Update: Sarcasm detected and known. :3 [<--This is supposed to be a face...and failed.] All is well.

Update II: I seemed to have pressed strikethrough without realizing so oops. =D I'm just that awesome!

(Note to self: don't make silly mistakes like that.)

So I came on my computer in the morning to print something out and work on it, not get distracted (like I just did for the past...ugh, hour and 30 minutes, god damn it) by the internet. Yeah, that so did not work out according to plan.


(Note: I'm still going to print out whatever I was going to print out and work on it. I just have to remember to do so when I'm done with this.)


I decided to hop on to Absolute Write and look to see what's up like I usually do because I'm nosy and I want to see what's going on the forums today. I scroll down a bit until I come across the Young Adult board and they have something about a YA author writing a Slate article with another person. I've heard her book before, so it got me curious what she (and he, I'm guessing? The article is also by Grady Hendrix, so....) had to say.


Article: Writing Young Adult Fiction


First of all:


*Headdesk.*


First thing that sticks out when I see the article is this:

Writing Y.A. as an adult is a chance to rewrite being a teenager. Our series, The Magnolia League, is, in some ways, the high-school experience we never had, where everyone is witty and good-looking and their problems are more like, "My evil grandmother is torturing my dead mom's soul!" rather than, "I have a lot of zits." It's an opportunity to relive high school in a more perfect manner. Who doesn't want to be 16 and living in a mansion? And hooking up with the hot guy? And having super hoodoo powers? It's totally normal.

I hope they're both being facetious when stating this (mainly because of the "It's totally normal" part having a sarcastic tone), but it's probably not. And ugh, really? More teenagers want to relate to the character, not fantasize about how she's the hottest girl and doesn't have zits (everyone gets zits, just FYI, just some more so than others), practices hoodoo, and is sixteen and hooks up with the hottest guy like evarz, not to mention living in a mansion.


Yeah, uhh, I never wanted that, sorry. So I guess I wasn't totes normal (then again, plenty of people can attest to me not being normal, anyway), and that was only two years ago!


Oomf!


But god, I love my grandma so much, I wouldn't want her to torture my "mom's dead soul". What the fuck kind of thinking is that? I mean, there's nothing wrong with having an evil something-or-other, but don't make it seem like it's one of the norms.


By the way, if you haven't guessed, the author is Katie Crouch and is the author to The Mongolia League.


Reading more of the article, I come across this which, okay, is in the next paragraph, but whatever:

It would be creepy if we included explicit sex scenes with glistening young skin and heaving young bosoms, but we keep it on the clean side. This isn't Twilight. No slutty werewolves here.

Holy crap, Batman! I didn't know Twilight had slutty werewolves!


One would think that it would make the books better if it had slutty werewolves!


Seriously, though. Read the fucking book if you're going to talk about it. There's. No. SLUTTY. WEREWOLVES.


Let alone there being explicit sex scenes (seriously, did you even read the god damn book?). I'm not defending Twilight or anything because I thought the books were terrible (the movies are worse; bore, IMO), but least I READ them instead of not reading and bashing them. I mean, I know they're hottest YA book out there, but for Christ sakes, READ IT FIRST.


And there's no "young glistening skin" (unless you count Edward's, but apparently there's more sparkly than glistening) or "young heaving bosoms" (lolwut?), so what the fuck did you read? Or did I read the clean version of Twilight without my knowing?


(And yes, I know there's sex in Breaking Dawn and it's not just one sex scene, but that's not even explicit say what other YA books are. And if you're going to talk about the sex scenes in Breaking Dawn THEN FUCKING NAME BREAKING DAWN AND NOT SAY TWILIGHT.)


Then there's this, and yes, in the same paragraph, but anyway:

Mostly we pass the rare sex scenes in outline form back and forth between us like a ticking time bomb until one of us bites the bullet and puts it on paper. When it's completed, the other one innocently asks to make a pass "for editing" and then reads it aloud in a mocking voice and turns the most embarrassing lines into an email signature.

Really? You don't have to have sex scenes, you know. If it's not important to the plot, don't mention them, but also not act like we're thirteen and giggling at the idea of sex scenes. Let's act like adults and treat sex as something mature than a gigglefest.


Plus, nine times out of ten, teens want to read about sex. Oh, oops. That was supposed to be a secret, huh?


I digress, if it's not important, then don't add it. If it is important, but you don't want to write explicitly, then just write to the point where it fades-to-black and have it at that. Be creative. You are a writer, after all, aren't you?


Adult and YA books don't have to have sex in them, especially if it's not part of the plot. Don't just put it in there (that's what she said?) for the sake of having a sex scene. If it's part of the plot, then it's part of the plot. If it's not, it's not. Don't act like it's this some creepy thing that teenagers can't have. You want it clean? Then keep it clean but don't mock at the idea of having sex in your novel.


Blah.

It's sort of weird how, at a time when a reliable scare story is, "Are internet predators coming for your children?" that we are being paid good money to be literary predators and come for people's children. Only we do it with a nice marketing campaign and books about Southern debutantes with occult powers, rather than an old van with the windows blacked out. At least we're locked up in our rooms with our laptops and not out there on the streets teaching creative writing or something.

Lolwut?


This makes no sense, so I'm going to leave it here. And god for bid they write MG next.


The next paragraph, I really don't care about, mainly because it's more of an opinion than factual. Sure, there's writers who collaborate with each other, but there's just as many writers who write YA alone (including myself). I'm not saying there's no collaborating in YA, but it's not so much as they're saying.

They want you to tell a story. In Y.A. you write two or three drafts of a chapter, not eight. When kids like one book, they want the next one. Now. You need to deliver.

Isn't a good thing that they want a story, not someone describing about shag carpet (which, I'm sure you can do in YA anyway)? And so what if you write two or three drafts of a chapter? It's not exactly true, either. There's writers who write YA who write their chapters more than two or three drafts before getting it right. So what? I'm also hoping it's a good thing that kids want more books when they like the one. THAT SHOWS YOU HAVE READERS!


God.

We're literally rewriting the second draft of the second book in the series in four weeks. The average length of time you get to write a Y.A. book is six months.

Just FYI, no it's not six months.  Some writers take longer than that (maybe a year or two or more) to write a YA book. That's how it goes. Such is life.

Of course, we know that eventually they'll turn on us. But right now Y.A. is hot hot hot, and it's like the older you are, the cooler it is to watch teen movies and read Y.A. books.

They didn't turn on you--if you didn't write YA to begin with, they wouldn't have read the book (obviously). YA might be "hot hot hot", but that doesn't mean you should write if you don't want to. Write what you want and love to read about. Don't write about something you have no interest in.


And by the way, reading YA and watching teen movies doesn't make you "cooler" or anything. And adults read YA because they ENJOY reading them.


Or must they always just read adult novels?

The two of us were ahead of the curve in that respect. In college we were both dedicated viewers of 90210 (which dates us horribly), and in our late 20s we went to see Varsity Blues together on opening night in the theater. At the time, people thought we were just old pedophiles, but who's smart and hip now? 

Well, after this article, probably not you two. And 90210 always sucked, just IMO, even the newer version that's going on today.


And I don't care about the last paragraph, but I will note, just because you write YA and you're close to your 40s, no one is going to call you a creeper.


After reading this article, I hope it is a satire one because really, this just alienates your readers. This isn't a good thing, just so you guys know. Your readers are important because they determine the sales you make. If you alienate your readers (your YA readers, who are teenagers AND adults), they're going to turn away and not buy your next book based on this article, and you won't be churning out a sequel because of sales.


(Btw, you're supposed to write a stand alone novel because there's no guarantee you'll have a sequel; sales determine that, or so that's what authors and literary agents have said, so what do they know?)


Yeah, great going.


I'm kind of disappointed by this if this article is indeed being serious. I'm going to take it with a grain of salt, but seriously, this is disappointing. I never expected a YA author would write something like this, not to mention make it seem like she (and he) hates writing YA.


So, good luck with your next book. If there is a next one.

Oh and note: this article kind of makes me want to read about slutty werewolves, now (maybe even write about one?).